Course: 20 miles (32km) 4 laps. Two climbs: one a kilometer from the start/finish, and the ‘Kitten crusher climb’ at 20km.
Poptart drove and charitably provided coffee. For the sake of a Sheetz stop, B-rad insisted we meet at 5:10 instead of 5:20 then showed up at 5:30. I’m over it. Finally. He rolled up disheveled and disgruntled because he had waited until his alarm went off to figure out his own fuel plan. His Plan A was to carry two bottles in a skinsuit which can’t even carry one’s own dignity when walking through a Sheetz at 6am. His Plan B was to use a just-arrived from Ebay, ‘pre-owned’, abused, and packaged wet, skanked, nasty smelling slimy camelback. Both these plans tracked perfectly with riding a singlespeed with 32 slicks for 80 miles on a course that will punish you for all your decisions. You’re free to choose, but not free from the consequences. Obviously, since I was carpooling with Poptart & B-rad, it was a listening tour for me en route to Rapidan. As B-rad was a Sheetz regular and makes note-worthy decisions, I got what he got, a surprisingly not terrible pair of mini burritos.
Lap 1: The start was controlled for the first few minutes by a glorified golf cart. I started with a clump of fellow NCVC riders about 30 riders back. Ben Wright, Catanzaro, Kozicki, Driscoll, McCollum, PJ, Pete Custer et al populated the engine room at the very front. I started moving up the moment the road pitched up. Two riders dismounted on either side of me which caused a split. Fellow teammate Josh Dannemiller (JDann for brevity) was on the wrong side of it. I found myself at the back of a group of 10+ after we crested but 15 minutes later a larger chase group caught up. Curtis Alia was the only other stars-n-bars in the group. He would go on to finish a crazy strong 5th overall. I felt relatively comfortable (sustainable for perhaps another hour but not five) surfing wheels and never getting closer than 5 riders from the front BUT, just before the turn toward the Kitten crusher climb, I moved off the road and into a deepening ditch at high speed. The overgrown vines caught my handlebar, and I went sideways. Re-chained, and chasing, I was immediately 20 seconds adrift. The group ahead remained within sight until the penultimate turn onto the climb up the kitten crusher. Up the crusher the first time, I quickly calculated that cross-gearing was not worth the effort and I chose the ignominious walk of masses. I also noted my hanger was bent since my spokes were clattering across my over-extended derailleur. On the other side of the climb, I eased into recovery mode and noted an NCVC rider approaching. It was a chasing JDann who admitted he was going into the red trying to catch the front group (a decision the DKG questioned). I surfed the JDann express off and on until the next time over the crusher. But not before I wrecked in the next sandy corner for my second and final silly sideways fandango. Then I sucked my chain into my cassette on the next riser.
Lap 2: I rolled into the start/finish and picked up a bottle then promptly sucked my chain into my cassette again. That would happen three more times over as many hours, as fate chose to push my buttons even though I specifically asked fate not to touch my f****** buttons. I worked with a few others to catch back onto JDann then he dropped them and took me with him. *swoon. The second time up the crusher when I dismounted, I looked back and was surprised to see JDann off his bike and looking like he’d seen a ghost. I thought I was the one hallucinating but later I would learn he was busy blacking-out. DKG will punish you for all your questionable decisions. At the top I chose bacon. An excellent choice.
Lap 3: I coasted into the start finish, picked up two bottles and a cold washcloth. A group of four showed up while I was contemplating the penultimate lap three which I had carefully planned to be the most miserable of the four. I wrapped myself in a mental blanket of certain anguish and let myself fall into the group of four. One guy was (leading) 55+ and I assumed the other three were 45+ so I weakly traded pulls and did my best to look pathetic. The third time up the crusher, I accepted a gel (chocolate espresso FTW. A second excellent choice) then the 55+ rider and I, surprisingly, dropped the other three pretenders and worked together until the start of the fourth lap.
Lap 4: At the start/finish I picked up two bottles and consumed both. On the backside of the start climb, I was alone, out of water chasing a ghost up the road and running from ghosts behind me. And the blanket of anguish which I’d failed to leave on lap 3, weighed heavy. Not part of the plan. At the top of the crusher, I croaked for water and found salvation. On the backside of the climb a blond Battley angel named Jill caught me and paced me to the end then offered me a glorious coke at the finish. Then I assume she ascended into heaven. I descended into a puddle. A Poptart angel guided my lost soul to the hamburger and beer station. But heaven wouldn’t have him. I assume because Bezos is the modern-day golden calf.
In brief:
Dirty Kitten Gravel 4th of 25 in 45+ Less technical than Monstercross but DKG had deeper and more consistent chunky wheel-sucking, squirrely gravel.
Maxxis Rambler 40s worked but larger tires would be more comfortable
two bloody wrecks
bent hanger
5 cassette chain suck
https://runsignup.com/Race/Results/79259#resultSetId-263840;perpage:100
pre-race
coffee
2 sheetz mini burritos
30oz water
In race
6.5btls water
5 gel (90mg caffeine)
1 block
1 bacon
No comments:
Post a Comment